OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
