So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
