they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
