he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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