We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
