I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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