I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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