Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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