Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
