you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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