so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
