Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
