i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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