There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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