i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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