So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
