i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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