my sisters under your porch take her home
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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