so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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