I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
