new low.... made out with someone while peeing
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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