The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Girls should come with a carfax report
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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