so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
