dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
