i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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