Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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