he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A bitchslap is in order.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
