You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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