I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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