White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
