If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
