can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
