i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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