fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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