I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
