Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
