May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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