i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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