Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
