so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
