cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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