we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
