i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
