Don't make out with my wife yet
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Enjoy the penises
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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