his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
