They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
