I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
