I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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