I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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