Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
