Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
