Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize