but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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