I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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