Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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