he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
