So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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