if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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