Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
