So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
