i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
