we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
