His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
