Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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