u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
