OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
